Prometheus 6

"If I had not deployed, I know I never would have faced this situation," said Greer, 39.

If she hadn't been deployed, she might not be getting divorced.

"I don't think it should be held against you, and I don't think my time away, or me deploying, affects my ability to be a mother or provide for my kids."

See here's the thing. There's a lot you objectively cannot do for a child from 4000 miles away. I would go so far as to say you cannot do MOST of the things children need from parents from 4000 miles away. The semantic stuff...supportive messages, sending your love, such as that, you can do. And once a kid has direction and a little momentum they can withstand the occasional seperation as long as their physical needs are dealt with.

But people have weird ideas about what parenting is nowadays...otherwise you wouldn't have babysitters being a greater shaping influence on a kid than its parents due to spending way more time with the kid. And that's a response to economic demands, so I don't blame folks in that position any more than I blame Sgt. Greer for being away due to her deployment.

But it's a hard argument her ex has chosen, and frankly if I were the divorce judge, the burden of proof would be on her.

Fighting War -- and for Custody
Deployment Used In Battles for Kids
By Ann Scott Tyson
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, December 30, 2008; A01

FORT LEE, Va. -- Army Sgt. Stephanie Greer was serving with a vehicle-maintenance unit in the volatile Iraqi city of Ramadi, part of President Bush's "surge" strategy to stabilize the country, when she learned of a far-off and most unexpected battle: Her estranged husband was going to fight her for custody of their daughter.

Greer had temporary custody of Mackenzie when she began her second deployment to Iraq in early 2007. Her husband was to care for the 7-year-old while Greer was overseas, but soon he challenged that arrangement in divorce proceedings. "He said I was unstable because I was deployed or training too much," she said.

As a result, throughout her 15-month combat tour, Greer had to mount from 4,000 miles away a legal campaign to keep her daughter.

"If I had not deployed, I know I never would have faced this situation," said Greer, 39. "I don't think it should be held against you, and I don't think my time away, or me deploying, affects my ability to be a mother or provide for my kids."

If she expected support in that position from the military, she was disappointed. Instead, the message she said she received from her superiors was: Deal with it.

"In the midst of the deployment, everything goes to pieces . . . and they say, 'Just let it go and fix it when you get home,' " Greer said. "But most of the time when you do that, it is too late."

The military does not track statistics on custody disputes, but as military divorce rates rise -- particularly among enlisted female troops such as Greer -- so do child custody struggles in which military service overseas has become a wedge issue, according to experts in military family law.