Devolution, or predicting my future
I'm anticipating a something of a slide in my Ecosystem ratings, and something of a drop in traffic.
I started blogging as therapy, kinda. For reasons of personal denial I had a major problem with diabetes about two years ago. Probably mentioned it before. How major? How's being 6'2" and sliding from 195 lbs (and I've never been fat) to 145 lbs? That's just the outward difficulty and enough self exposure thanks, except to say that the blogging only started a couple of months after I had enough strength to consider doing much more than watch DVDs. It was the level of human contact I could have without showing folks how bad a somewhat vain Black man can look.
Now I'm totally out of denial--fear of death will do that. I've got some discipline with diet and medication going on and I'm back up to (an almost as solid as before) 195-200 lbs. How well I look (a matter of health) on any given day depends a lot on how well I feel, both physically and psychologically. And I feel better with some controlled exposure to other humans. It's got to be controlled because I'm so purged that a 20oz Bud Ice sets me off for most of the evening, and a lack of sleep will have me feeling like shit for half the next day.
But you know what? I'm going to have that controlled human exposure. I see this as necessary because I like life and I want mine back. I'm just going to ease into it so I don't break shit again. Maybe I'll try one of these blogger get-togethers I hear goes on in New York City periodically.
What that means (and this is something I've been thinking about for a couple of days and decided on in the last like 20 minutes) is I'm going to do progessively less mainlining of news and hence progressively less blogging about it. And I have to disengage from some things that I've gotten involved with…that has actually already begun.
I like writing, though. Always have. So I'm not going anywhere. And this post not withstanding, I'm a kind of detached, private person so it won't ever be a diary at this address. The subjects I've been blogging about are important in my view so any changes will in style, and will be gradual.
