Prometheus 6

I'd like to thank Oliver Willis for bringing this hilarious piece to my attention. I'd like to thank Dr. Zaius of Zaius Nation for creating it.

Triplicate Girl: Senator Clinton, there can be no doubt about it. This election is already over.

Senator Hillary Clinton: Shut up, all three of you! This race is not over until the fat lady sings!

Fat Lady: Kiwl da wabbit! Kiwl da wabbit!

The issue is real, and though it is this absurd it's not funny at all.

That link came out of the Luv4self Network

...after one more shot at Mrs. Bill Clinton.

...at the end of the clip.

"With so many more patriots to honor, we've been forced to extend the memorial past the entrance to the Washington Monument and into the southbound lane of 14th Street," Masterson said. "Blocking traffic is a small price to pay, however, considering the debt of gratitude we owe our fallen soldiers. And we're confident Americans will continue to support us when we build the monument's east wing directly through the Capitol Building next month."...

"The goal is to come up with cost-effective, creative solutions to respectfully eulogize our fallen heroes," said Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), who cited a recent decision to construct a part of the monument out of papier-mâché, and another proposal to type the names of newly fallen soldiers on sturdy index cards, which would be kept in a box near the memorial. "So we urge the president to sign our bill to allow the ABMC to strip marble slabs from the steps of the seldom-visited Jefferson Memorial in order to help complete this timeless monument."

"Because our grandchildren should be honored just as much for their service in Iraq," she added. 

Iraq War Memorial Planners Forced To Revise Length Again
April 9, 2008 | Issue 44•15 

WASHINGTON—In the wake of the 4,000th U.S. military death in Iraq, the American Battle Monuments Commission announced Monday that, for the fifth time in the last 12 months, it will resume construction on the poignant final tribute to the brave men and women who continue to give their lives in the Iraq War.

According to ABMC spokesperson Charles Masterson, ground was first broken for the memorial on the National Mall in May 2003, shortly after President Bush declared the end of major combat operations in Iraq. Since the completion of the preliminary monument, however, nearly two dozen extensions have been added to the original structure to properly commemorate subsequent casualties in the conflict.

The aristocracy has adamantly dismissed claims that the sweeping changes are detrimental to the merely wealthy who have been displaced, and many persons of noble blood have pointed to aristocratization's benefits. These include lower crime rates attributed to new punishments, such as public floggings and the pillory, which are primarily meted out for maintaining direct eye contact with members of the highest class....

Other aristocrats...have additionally deflected blame onto regification, a process by which they say they were priced out of their vast rural holdings by kings who wished to consolidate property and develop monumental palatial estates.

Report: Nation's Gentrified Neighborhoods Threatened By Aristocratization
March 31, 2008 | Issue 44•14

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Tuesday by the Brookings Institution, a Washington-based think tank, the recent influx of exceedingly affluent powder-wigged aristocrats into the nation's gentrified urban areas is pushing out young white professionals, some of whom have lived in these neighborhoods for as many as seven years.

I got this from Jack and Jill Politics. I'm not sure they wanted me to tell you that...

Ourstorian dropped the link in the comments.

The War On Paultards: Go Outside

The freaks are running scared. This is a good thing.

---
In the ongoing War On Paultards, this is the first major video salvo aimed directly at the heart of Paultard country - their true homes in Second Life. In the dark and mysterious tradition of PsyOps, it aims to convince the Paultard that s/he ought not spend all of his/her time fomenting 're[love]utions' in his 'Second Life', rather go out into 'Real Life' for a change. Go. Outside. Experience. 'Real Life'.

Added: February 28, 2008

Do We Really Want Another Black President After The Events Of Deep Impact?
By Kevin Henry
February 13, 2008 | Issue 44•07

Have we learned nothing from the tragic events of 1998, when, under the watch of President Morgan Freeman, this nation was plunged into chaos, and hundreds of millions of people died at the hands of the deadly Wolf-Beiderman space rock? The mere fact that this country is even considering putting another black man, Barack Obama, in the Oval Office proves that we have not.

We can't deny the facts, people. All we will get by electing an African-American is Texas-size space particles crashing into the Earth's surface, mega-tsunamis that barrel into the Appalachian Mountains, and 6.6 billion dead people.

Bill Clinton: 'Screw It, I'm Running For President'
January 23, 2008 | Issue 44•04

CHARLESTON, SC—After spending two months accompanying his wife, Hillary, on the campaign trail, former president Bill Clinton announced Monday that he is joining the 2008 presidential race, saying he "could no longer resist the urge."

"My fellow Americans, I am sick and tired of not being president," said Clinton, introducing his wife at a "Hillary '08" rally. "For seven agonizing years, I have sat idly by as others experienced the joys of campaigning, debating, and interacting with the people of this great nation, and I simply cannot take it anymore. I have to be president again. I have to."

He continued, "It is with a great sense of relief that I say to all of you today, 'Screw it. I'm in.'"

Biographical sketch via Too Sense

We Must All Do Our Part To Preserve This Climate Of Fear
By M. Willard Thornton
January 30, 2008 | Issue 44•05

The last six years have been a golden age of American apprehension and mistrust. Thanks to the events of Sept. 11, 2001, all of America was united, standing shoulder to shoulder in sheer, unrelenting fear. But tragically, that atmosphere of panic and confusion has begun to fade, and without another terrible attack to bond us as a nation, we are dangerously close to entering a post-post-9/11 era.

We cannot allow that to happen.

We must all do whatever we can to preserve America by refocusing our priorities back on the contemplation of lethal threats—invisible nightmarish forces plotting to destroy us in a number of horrific ways. It is only through the vigilance and determination of every patriot that we can maintain the sense of total dread vital to the prolonged existence of a thriving, quivering America.